Where are all the black bi men?

As a queer black person in Chicago's LGBTQ+ community, I've noticed a glaring absence - the lack of openly bisexual black men. In gay bars, at Pride events, and even in my own queer friend circles, bisexual black men seem few and far between compared to their gay male and straight male counterparts. It's left me pondering - where are all the bi black men, and what unique challenges might they face?

On a surface level, the silencing and erasure of bisexual identities is nothing new in the LGBTQ+ community. Bisexual people are often dismissed as being indecisive, greedy, or simply going through a "phase" before picking a side. The perception that bisexuality is "just a stop on the way to gay" persists. But when you layer on racial and gender dynamics, the pressures appear compounded for bisexual black men.

There's already so much toxic masculinity, misogyny, and stigma around male bisexuality in general. A bisexual man is often viewed as not being "man enough." He faces emasculation regardless of which gender(s) he dates. In black communities, these expectations of hyper-masculinity are further amplified given the intersections with racial stereotyping and oppression. Deviating from traditionally defined manhood carries heavy social costs.

So for a bisexual black man, the scrutiny and dismissal likely comes not just from the outside LGBTQ+ community, but also from his own family, neighborhood, and racial/ethnic circles. There may be immense familial and cultural pressures to remain closeted, only date women, and uphold an outwardly "straight" persona. The fear of being seen as less-than, inadequate, or assaulting long-held gender norms could be paralyzing.

Compounding the issue, the specific fetishization and objectification of bisexual black men also can't be ignored. Far too often, their sexuality and desirability is reduced to an expendable fantasy, something to be consumed and discarded rather than a valid, multi-faceted identity. The hyper-sexualization is just as insidious as the erasure.

So if you're a bisexual black man, you face stigma from pretty much all directions. It must be absolutely exhausting. No wonder so many seem to go fully under the radar or stay in the closet about their full sexuality. Why open yourself up to near-guaranteed ridicule, rejection and over-sexualization?

Perhaps the clearest path is to simply identify as gay or straight in order to circumvent all the biphobia, toxic masculinity rules, and racialized fetishization. But at what psychological and emotional cost to deny or bury that key part of your identity and lived experience?

I don't have any clear solutions, just empathy for the nuanced pressures that bisexual black men must navigate daily. I aim to use my relative privilege and voice to validate bisexual identities, call out racism and micro-aggressions in LGBTQ+ spaces, and make room for the fullness of intersectional experiences. Because at the end of the day, we won't achieve true equity and liberation until we embrace all expressions of queerness without exception.